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Literature Text
Trapped and enclosed,
It can't be exposed.
It knows all we're taught,
and contradicts every word.
We become it's biggest addict.
It has no faith.
It has no love.
It comes too late into the age,
And chokes all who feel it hang,
To evict us from our home.
Without a fault.
Without a soul.
It's nothing we should know.
Guilty of sitting alone,
Unworthy of what others deserve.
No need for fears,
No need to pretend.
Only a desire to disappear.
Don't reach for the brightest hand,
Just crawl away.
This idea of none,
To some a magicians hoax.
Without a friend for fun,
The thought will never come,
To those who never know.
It forever persists,
It will never leave.
While we can't be saved,
And with nothing to be,
At our core we're not gone.
It can't be exposed.
It knows all we're taught,
and contradicts every word.
We become it's biggest addict.
It has no faith.
It has no love.
It comes too late into the age,
And chokes all who feel it hang,
To evict us from our home.
Without a fault.
Without a soul.
It's nothing we should know.
Guilty of sitting alone,
Unworthy of what others deserve.
No need for fears,
No need to pretend.
Only a desire to disappear.
Don't reach for the brightest hand,
Just crawl away.
This idea of none,
To some a magicians hoax.
Without a friend for fun,
The thought will never come,
To those who never know.
It forever persists,
It will never leave.
While we can't be saved,
And with nothing to be,
At our core we're not gone.
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Made specifically to describe something my friends and I have been dealing with, but also written for a contest
"inner passage"
Depression
Isn't an emotion
has no prominent cause
Isn't a specific feeling
Doesn't just go away
Isn't "cool"
Isn't normal
Depression
It's without a need
It's hypocrisy to reality
It's a lie that never goes away, no matter how fake
It's an exhilaration in coldness
It's a false-flag from the brain and eyes
It's everlasting pain of what you're scared to see
Constructive criticism is appreciated!
"inner passage"
Depression
Isn't an emotion
has no prominent cause
Isn't a specific feeling
Doesn't just go away
Isn't "cool"
Isn't normal
Depression
It's without a need
It's hypocrisy to reality
It's a lie that never goes away, no matter how fake
It's an exhilaration in coldness
It's a false-flag from the brain and eyes
It's everlasting pain of what you're scared to see
Constructive criticism is appreciated!
© 2014 - 2024 HKA-4M7
Comments45
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Hi, Sean here from We-Poets, FINALLY stopping by with the critique you requested.
We become it's biggest addict.
***Change "it's" to "its"
To some a magicians hoax.
***magician's
Without a friend for fun,
***Delete extra space before "friend"
It forever persists,
***I think this would work better with a period and not a comma at the end.
The poem is very good, although it doesn't seem to really end, it just stops. If that was your aim, great, otherwise you might considering tweaking it slightly.
Nice job, and hope these edits help.
Sean
We become it's biggest addict.
***Change "it's" to "its"
To some a magicians hoax.
***magician's
Without a friend for fun,
***Delete extra space before "friend"
It forever persists,
***I think this would work better with a period and not a comma at the end.
The poem is very good, although it doesn't seem to really end, it just stops. If that was your aim, great, otherwise you might considering tweaking it slightly.
Nice job, and hope these edits help.
Sean